October 2008

Big hair
Posted October 3rd, 2008 by Jane

I want a new wig. The old one is 5 years tired. My hair won’t last the weekend..or even today.. as I can’t resist gently pulling it out, a certain sensual pleasure like squeezing a ripe spot. My hair is dropping in my tea and on the keyboard…not so traumatic 3rd time round…but sad, yes sad, and I took myself off [...]


5 years
Posted October 6th, 2008 by Jane

The days and dates this September and October match those in 2003. I have a bad memory but I can still remember the day and the date when: I found my huge lump, inducted the last lot of keen new trainee teachers, visited my lovely colleague dying then of breast cancer, went to an old school reunion, [...]


The language of chemotherapy: Part 2 ‘fatigue’
Posted October 8th, 2008 by Jane

Many cancerfree people, like me in the ‘before’ days, don’t actually know what chemotherapy is or how the side effects work. I get a surprising number of people asking me: ‘When’s your chemo?’ or if they know saying: ‘good luck on Wednesday.’ They seem to imagine that ‘chemo’ is a single event at the hospital, when in [...]


Living in the moment?
Posted October 16th, 2008 by Jane

There are a load of cliches about the business of living with cancer. The merits of ‘living in the moment’ are among them. Worried about the diagnosis? Operation next week? Chemotherapy coming up? How long have I got? Well the answer is don’t worry about it, what will be will be, ‘just live in the [...]


Tia, Zoe and PBPs.
Posted October 16th, 2008 by Jane

Tia arrived big and hairy and for a week I gained lots of PBPs (Pink Bravery Points) by doing the commando bit, minus hoop ear rings and blusher. Loved it…though actually not quite commando…still fine downy outline defining the shape of my head…but that’s going now. Funny how it was OK with people I know and [...]


Something else unpleasant and me
Posted October 16th, 2008 by Jane

I am so grateful when i get to see nice doctors. The ENT man was one of them..listened empathetically to my voice, close questioned me on how it was troubling me..apologised for unpleasant little procedure..sprayed nose, tube up nose down throat…an endoscopy in medical jargon, switched off the TV screen cause I said I wasn’t [...]


That little procedure
Posted October 25th, 2008 by Jane

I really am very scared about my little operation on Wednesday. I feel like a very small child as indeed around illness I am..adult stoicism never comes into it. Most of my fear is centred around the peripheral. That bloody general anaesthetic for example. I e-mailed the nice surgeon with some questions which included one [...]