I am so grateful when I get to see nice doctors. The ENT man was one of them..listened empathetically to my voice, close questioned me on how it was troubling me..apologised for unpleasant little procedure..sprayed nose, tube up nose down throat…an endoscopy in medical jargon, switched off the TV screen cause I said I wasn’t good on visuals and preferred words. And indeed my left vocal chord is damaged from pressure of tumours and won’t get better ‘for a long time’ (sub text and conversation about how long time perhaps not the right words in my case), but what ‘we can do is compensation.’

He outlines three procedures..the first two with local anaesthetic and sounding very nasty indeed. ‘Many patients find then very unpleasant.’ I think he has guessed from my gagging reaction to the little endoscopy preocure that I might be one of them. Option three which I have signed up for is a vocal chord medialisation injection with bioplastique (more advanced that teflon) which should strengthen my voice though no guarantees that it will sound like I used to sound, but then I don’t sound like I used to sound anyway. Option 2 might have given better voice quality because you can talk while they inject and presumably influence the outcome…but hey ho can’t face it so ‘least unpleasnt’ is what I’m booked in for in a couple of weeks. Now all I have to worry about is not waking up after the anaesthetic (and yes I do want to be resuscitated please even though in other circumstances I don’t) and my loose bridge being knocked out. This has been discussed…no voice, no hair, one breast…but no front teeth..now that is the pits…and it did happen not so long back…of which another day.