June 2009

The new oncologist
Posted June 4th, 2009 by Jane

I had an hour long discussion with the new oncologist yesterday. Like policemen oncologists are getting younger. He was an enthusiastic young man, very thorough, sense of humour, keen to establish his research credentials. I liked him.
Like the just retired oncologist he agrees that further chemotherapy is pretty pointless, though did mention an old regime: [...]


The body disintegrates
Posted June 14th, 2009 by Jane

I feel my body getting older, frailer and iller. On Friday I woke up in pain which reached the no 10 threshold. My shoulder and the back of my arm felt like they were gripped in a vice. I couldn’t move without dramatic wincing. Three hours I lay rigid in bed until the pain suddenly [...]


It’s not the uncertainty actually…its the certainty
Posted June 19th, 2009 by Jane

R and I were mulling over the state of play last night..as you do with a terminal diagnosis. I repeated my familiar mantra: ‘It’s the uncertainty I can’t bear’..’No’ she said It’s the certainty’.
Something clicked into place..some days the certainty of my premature and maybe very soon death is unbearable. No matter that I cry, [...]