How am I?



Posted February 3rd, 2009 by Jane

I know there are reallife and cyber friends who check the site to ’see how I am’, and then finding no posts have fantasies of one kind or another.

I’ve never wanted this site to be a blow by blow account of the relentless assault which I feel cancer to be making on my body and my life, but something more reflective, more challenging, more provocative. I haven’t posted much recently because lethargy and tiredness have zapped my energy and my capacity to string sentences together. I particularly regret the lack of essays..they’re in my head but don’t easily take to paper. I did on a good day a couple of weeks ago rush off a letter to the Times Higher Education Supplement in response to a moving piece by Soran Reader about the right to assisted dying. And here’s the link for those of you interested:

http://www.timeshighereducation.co.uk/story.asp?storyCode=405105&sectioncode=26

Otherwise I continue to feel ghastly (’tired’) 3 days in 7 for two weeks in a row, and then much better the rest of the time. (ie in the third week, cause then it starts over again, and note that the much better days are becoming more unpredictable too…) I’m on my third cycle of vinorilbine. My swollen lymphoedema arm has considerably reduced which could mean that the cancer is doing less obstruction of the lymph flow..I hope so. The capillary marks on my chest wall are also reduced. As for the lumps I can feel…well they are still there though possibly softer. I’ll probably get scanned to check this clinical evidence after 4 cycles. I still hate not having my old voice and conversation is a strain..I see a lovely speech therapist but not too good at doing the exercises she suggests. And I take 5mg of warfarin in the week, 4mg at weekends for the blood clot…

So thats ‘how I am’…but anything can happen…