do not let the silence render me invisible.

Posted October 25th, 2009 by Jane

No I haven’t written for a long time. And yes I’ve been having an awful time….a painful numb paralyzed arm rendering typing, dressing, eating, walking, moving all pretty impossble. Bloody awful and no it won’t get better, only worse though of course days have have an up and down quality about them. Rough on Tuesday, bit better on Wednesday. But no guarantees about next Wednesday,

Suddenly there is a explosion on my quiet blog.I call it the vultures circling though I know what a terribly hard and judgemental descripion this inplies and I know that none of my well wishers intend to be vultures or to intrude or invade my privacy. A friend on a maling list simply sent an open e-mail to 50 odd people wondering if after my last ’sad’ e-mail anyone had heard from me, By the time I opened the blog every well wisher was pondering answers it seemed, Jane was tired, Jane was in much pain, Jain was very ill. lucky people actually visiting promised more information next week.Jane was being visited et etc,

Please my friends if you want to know how I am do it openly, Ask me…Send a card or an e-mail but be patient my friends….I will need time to reply. Sorry but I don’t want internet speculation on my health. i am not dead yet but I am dying as I have been for ages. I value each one of your thoughts about me but I know too how terribly difficult it is to get what you say to a terminally ill person ‘right’. This is untracked territory for most of us and I don’t want to be a reality TV experiment with me centre stage. My silence does not render me invisble though its hard not to feel air brushed out of reality. I am still here and still read comments on my blog so its rather disconcerting to read so much speculation about me when no one who speculates has bothered to ask me how I am. Food for thought eh?