Where have I been?

Posted September 6th, 2009 by Jane

No I haven’t posted for ages. Thank you for the lovely messages sent by other cyber routes. When I started this blog I never wanted it to become a chronological account of my physical deterioration from this disease. So yes, my silences do usually reflect bad physical times, when the disease is progessing along unknown routes.

Meanwhile my head is bursting with stuff I want to write about…about the philosophy of hospices and their failures; about speaking to the dying..getting it right or sometimes so easily getting it wrong; about physical pain and how it enroaches on the cognitive thinking self; about laughter and humour during the last days…laughter somehow being what holds us together as the body disintegrates. I may write about these things but there are so many other things too….Ocotober suddenly appproaches, Pink October and so much to challenge as the frothy pink scarves are dusted down, and the preparations are made for fashion shows.

So I’m still here, though yes it has been a hard month. Pain in my arm has got much much worse. Skin metasteses are multiplying and I have several areas of red crusty weeping sores. The medication makes me sleepy and I could easily sleep all day… I have strange hallucinations where I can”t separate what is now from yesterday…making conversation trying.